You’re wondering whether I am sharing this information on the correct media channel? This is no mistake and no April fool's joke. I’ve mentioned the term divorce because this not only relates to personal relationships, but also business relationships such as partnerships, employee, and client relationships.

Many may be thinking that the answers to this question is infidelity, financial pressures, irreconcilable differences (popular term in Hollywood) but these are triggers which lead to the split. The trigger list is extensive! In some way, shape or form we could repackage these triggers in any relationship with the underlying reason remaining the same.

I’m going to share a bit of a background story before I share my thoughts. My wife and I were aiding a couple whose relationship had broken down to the point of no return. In trying to get to the bottom of the issue, as the saying goes “The straw that broke the camels back” the husband mentioned something that left us absolutely gob smacked!

“We can’t agree on what colour to paint the wall in the lounge, and I’ve had enough of all of it!” I wasn’t sure if he was joking until we saw the seriousness in both their eyes. After numerous attempts to get them back on track, they subsequently split up and moved on.

I guess the fixer/optimist in me, had this experience playing in the back of my mind trying to figure out how things could have been different. I remembered the wise words of one of my dance instructors when a piece of choreography wasn’t fluid. “Always go a few steps back, the problem isn’t that piece of choreo, it is the lead up to it that puts you out of sync with your partner”

I applied some thinking to my personal and business relationships which went out of sync and came to the following conclusion as to why this happens. If someone has been brought up their whole life believing that they will be treated as royalty and neither king or queen can articulate and agree what that means upfront, you end up with my answer to the question.

Unmet expectations which lead to the destructive triggers!

In most instances we go through the courting, marriage, honeymoon stages without going into the deep discussions around values. We believe we have the same values because we are smitten with the counterparty. Most people don’t know how to have these discussions or want to have them due to fear of loss.

The reality check is this… In any relationship, there will come a time where a challenge will occur. No if, it will! The dominant party thinks everything is fine, while the passive party typically feels bullied in their decision making and unfulfilled in the relationship. When the dominant party realizes they need help, the passive one doesn’t know how to help or does not want to help because they never had a voice in the first place. Now the dominant party has an unfulfilled relationship!

Back to the unmet expectations…

Build your needs analysis and interviewing questions for partners in such a way that when they answer questions, you can identify what their needs, aspirations and fears are. If you progress from there, ensure that OKR’s align in the respective agreements which proceed from this point.

The next important part, check in and stay connected with your partners. Life happens and there is no stronger culture than when each party feels safe in their environment. They know what is expected of them and receive the praise when it is due. When things are not in sync, be in a position as the dominant party to humble yourself and identify the next steps towards the best solution. OKR’s may need to change again, which is a good thing. Relationships are supposed to evolve and mature as time goes by. This is a sign of growth

I constantly read articles around the great resignation and the war on talent. Throwing money at a problem is only a short-term fix and it never ends well. The world is coming out of a pandemic where we have been isolated from family, friends, and work colleagues. We need to take a few steps back to identify root cause issues and work through them. These underlying issues were likely inherent before the pandemic hit, so be patient and listen to the constructive feedback.

Let’s get back to our authentic selves where we can have pure discussions without judgement and condemnation. Let us realign our expectations. For everything else, a good pruning always leads to a greater yield of fruit.

Now when I say pruning, it does not necessarily mean people, I’m referring to our emotions which shape our view of the world.

Comparison is the thief of joy, so begin with your own values and expectations and progress from there.